All rum t'be tax free.
Instead: a 50% levy on Cheryl Cole MP3s downloads.

I can't bloody stand her music.

All British schoolchildren t'be trained in swordsmanship an' gunnery.

Half of 'em be knowin' how t'use a knife already, this not be a stretch.

Fix broken Britain.

A free roll o' duct tape sent t' all homes.

Require Apple to rename the iPad in the UK.

New name: the iPatch.

A complete ban on unexpected items in the bagging area.

Not a pirate joke, it just be irritatin' me every time I be shoppin'.

Once got five gold runs on Blockbusters.

Runs the UK part of International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Despite all appearances, is not a student.

Was once interviewed by Lizo on "Newsround".

Third place in th' 2002 Barry Island Dance Dance Revolution championship